Boasting

He stands in front of me in church, in the very front row, singing exuberantly.

His left hand grasps a notebook of song lyrics while his right hand waves in jubilation. His voice is loud and clear, his praise bold. And I can’t help but smile.

Tell out, my soul, the greatness of the Lord!

I love watching him worship. I’m mundane in comparison, holding the lyrics tightly to my ribs, losing my place now and then and growing silent as my mind wanders, tentatively striving for perfect pitch when it doesn’t.

Not him.

Unnumbered blessings give my spirit voice;

His voice is buoyed by praise. His enthusiasm, contagious. I wonder what he’s like when he’s not singing, since I don’t know him outside of the moments I observe him in worship. I ponder what unnumbered blessings he is thinking of while he sings these words. And I keep smiling.

Tender to me, the promise of his word;

He glances down at his notebook lovingly, the songs printed out in careful order. His confidence is sure. And it has to be in his Savior, for no other assurance shines quite like this.

In God my Savior shall my heart rejoice.*

He radiates joy. I wonder why it seems more natural for him than me, than the rest of us.

The rest of us who don’t wake up each day wearing an invisible label of intellectual disability, like he does. 

I think about what I rejoice in, a good workout or new clothes or a deep conversation or applause over an accomplishment. And how empty some of it is, how transient. How I’m boasting in myself instead. How that in itself is a true disability, those days when I just can’t remember to rejoice in God my Savior.

It makes me long for heaven, where everything is upside down and those who are wise and strong will be shamed by those who are foolish and weak in the sight of humanity. Where God chooses “what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast” in His presence.

And while I wait for that day, when in the meantime trials come and all other words get blurry, I want to stop boasting in myself and instead tell out, my soul, the greatness of the Lord.

I long to remember that in Christ Jesus alone is wisdom, righteousness and sanctification and redemption. So that if I boast, it is only in Him.

And I want to say thank you to this young man, standing in front of me, singing exuberantly.

Hope and Be.Longing

But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.” (1 Corinthians 1:27-30)

*Song lyrics excerpted from the hymn, Tell Out My Soul, by Timothy Dudley-Smith, 1961